I run, to Feel

So, I've been a bit lax about updating this week. No clue why - maybe it's the feeling that fall is truly here? This entire week has been dreary. A high of sixty and rainy most of the time, it's chilly!
Fall is really, actually here. I've been layering shirts at the barn (we make some interesting fashion statements. There are the prima donnas who live to match and then those of us who believe that matching - matching socks, shirts, breeches, belts - are completely optional) and wearing sweatshirts around.

So far, no one's gotten sick. I hope it stays that way. After one experience with how illness spreads in a dorm (hehhh. Bad me. I started it..) I have no desire to encounter another.

However, in lieu of multiple entries this week, I can bring you one 'epic' one - with quite a few stories! It's really amazing how much stuff goes on, how entertaining it truly is when I look back at it. Sometimes it's not all grand to live, but looking back puts a better light on things.

First order of business:
I fell off.

Shush. I'm going to get calls, now, saying "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US EARLIER?" I'm playing the 'if I ignore it, it didn't happen.'

So.
No one can really blame me for that. It was stupid, really. It was Wed., and we were just riding around in the indoor arena. There were quite a few of us, and we were going over trot poles at both ends of the arena. Right now, I'm working on teaching Eagle that we don't have to charge things for it to be Okay, so he and I were trotting it while other people were cantering.

He was so good over the poles! SO GOOD! He was calm and relaxed, it was amazing. He was listening to me, so responsive, it was wonderful.
And then, came the fence.

..Oh, yes.

It could be said, simply put, that I trusted my horse too much. I thought he'd be as quiet over the fence, as he was over the poles.

That's the wonderful thing about horses.
They're never afraid to kill your ego.
:(

He overjumped the fence (a two foot vertical.) Somehow, he thought it turned into a 4'6 oxer with a three foot spread. Impressive fence, and I was told that "you caught some big air". Greaaat. Just what my (already) damaged ego needed to hear.
Thanks.

So I flipped over his shoulder. I landed on his neck after the fence, nearly got him to stop, but then! We had to turn.
As Dad can attest, the turns always kill me. I always come off in the corners. It's sad. So, I saw the turn coming, decided I'd choose how I'd fall (no falling into walls, thanksmuch) and rolled off his shoulder.
Landed rather wonderfully on my back (Yes, Mom, Dad, the same place as last time. Grr.) but Eagle just parked it the instant I came back. I held onto the reins until I hit the ground, when I let go, he backed up about two steps.
By that time, I had rolled to my knees (too many memories of horses bolting when riders come off) and he was just staring at me as if to say "So? What? Why are you down there?"

I got up, got back on, no problem. We trotted things again (no jumping) and he settled down.
My body, however, is (still) protesting the abuse.
Go figure.

This story, however, gets ever so much more interesting when one takes into account that when I came back to the dorm, we had no hot water.
None.
Zip. Nada. Zilch.

I was very, very unhappy.
There's a whole saga that continues with that, but it involves a guy that Meg likes (and I don't) but apparently he's hitting on me.
Great.

Needless to say, he offered his room (and consequently, Mark's- they're roommates) as a staging area. Said I should shower over in his dorm building.

I laughed.

Kristen (and Meg) did(do?) want to kill me for that one.

Not my fault!!!

Needless to say, at the barn, I've been trying out saddles. I'm looking for a 'brand' I like and a make that fits me. So far, no luck. Eva's saddle is pretty much the reason that I dieeeed on wed. If I had been in mine, I doubt I would have been jumped out of the tack. I love my flat seat!
Today, I rode in Jamie's 'second' saddle which is a beautiful thing. I would take it in a heartbeat if it had a more forward flap. Sadly, my knee hangs over the edge.
Big surprise.

Yesterday was our 'rein aids' assessment, which is stuff I already knew but I warmed up outside alone, because it's just that "I fell off my horse yesterday, I'm sore, my ego's in tatters, and I'm nervous". Either Eagle is feeling guilty, or I did something right - because he was a gem.

Again, it carried over today.

But, today, was amazing.

The other half of the students took their assessment in rein aids today so not many people were riding outside. Jamie, Meg and I were the three left outside at about four. It was getting darker, the wind was picking up and it was kind of drizzling. Very chilly, very unwelcoming - but for the first time in such a long time, I laughed as I rode.

I got on at about 3:20, hacked around, schooled eagle (for the most part, he was good.) I'm working on relaxing my arms so I don't HOLD on his face.

Think of it like a teenager. The more you try to forcibly drag them to do something (or drag them back) they'll pull against you. So the more I give with him, the better he is. It really, really works - but it's really hard breaking old habits.
Today, I rode in two point while I cantered. Apparently I sit very deep in the saddle and drive him more than he needs to, which annoys him.
So I thought I'd try it out, and lo and behold! He was amazing!

Jamie with Lou, though, I owe them so much. She's given me some comments that really made me think about my horse and my riding -and today, while she was cantering going right (Clockwise) and I was going left (counter) she's like, "Hey, El, wanna race?"

And so I just gave Eagle his head.
For the first time, I just let him go. Mind you, we didn't tear around and gallop, but we just WENT. And I forgot how much joy there was, in just feeling the wind kick against your eyes and bring tears, because it's so cold, and at the same time, feel so overheated, so exhilirated- so alive.

Sometimes I forget.
It's not about what you have to do, what needs to be done, lists, and rules.
It's about doing the thing you love, the way you love it.
It's about laughing, and living - and loving and learning along the way.

And today, I found that again. I'm really happy I did, because it reminded me all over again, why I love doing what I do.
Regardless of the bruises and the scrapes, the crappy feelings of "I can't do this", there's something there.
Yes, I can.
Not only that, but I have. And I will, again.